Consider being ‘The Worlds Worst’ at something. It doesn’t exactly inspire does it?

Here is a list of some of my BOOKhut chums who were always destined for EPIC failure:

• Rick the hedgehog got very few bookings as a balloon sculpturer. I can’t think why….he’s such a nice creature. So he left that business venture and became a lollipop man. Hedgehogs and roads don’t really mix and within the first day he was as flat as his lollipop. I miss you Rick. We all do…..
• Billy the Goldfish wanted a job at NASA. He had dolphin friend who jazzed up his CV. Well of course on the day of his interview he forgot where he was going - and five seconds later he forgot his name. The same ‘friend’ suggested he went into construction. The first day on site the foreman placed a hod of bricks on his bowl and that was last I heard of Billy. I miss you Billy. We all do…….. (BOOKhut tip of the day: never trust a dolphin. They think they know everything!)
• Alfred G. Tumble fancied himeslf as a boxer and challenged Yarloslav ‘The Meat Pounder’ Boslavavich to a fight. Alfie was muscularly challenged - he was a five stone weakling to be fair. I’ve known sticks of celery with bigger biceps. But the gauntlet had been thrown down. All it took was one upper cut and Alfie was as flat as Rick. I miss you Alfie. We all do……
• Trisha Addlebury always dreamt of becoming a gold medalist so she saw her opportunity when the British team held their swimming try-outs. She looked resplendent in her pink lycra costume and stood with majesty at the pool’s edge. The noise of the crowd blended together in a universally wagnerian chant of ‘TRISHA! TRISHA!’. The starter gun fired and the line of athletes plunged into the water to commence the competetive battle. Apart from Trisha - who rememberred that she couldn’t actually swim. Her cheeks went scarlet with embarrasment and to save face she jumped in and sank like a stone. I miss you Trish. We all do…….
• Kevin Grotter was a professional school bully. For years he terrorised me and the rest of my class with his disgusting and humiliating tatics. After school he rose up the ranks to become the Mayor of London . While promoting the Olympics at the London Eye, the mechanism became faulty and the wheel started spinning out of control. Tragically, his pod detached from the rest from the speed of the revolutions, sending him him flying off into the approaching storm clouds. He was never seen again. I don’t miss Kevin. No-one does…………

Now consider todays BOOKhut recommendation ‘Sir Gadabout’ by Martyn Beardsley (illustrated by the ‘funtubulous’ Tony Ross). Sir Gadabout has the unenviable title of ‘The Worst Knight in the World’. Apparently he is so incompetent, it’s amazing he can put his armour on the right way! But when the fair Guinivere goes missing it’s left to Sir Gads to lead the quest to rescue her…..hopefully in one piece. He is assisted by his faithful squire Herbert and Merlin’s sceptical cat Sydney Smith. Will Guinivere return to the arms of her beloved King Arthur or will those arms be quite accidentally broken off in a bungled rescue by Sir Gadabout? Don’t just sit their pondering the answer - pick up the book and find out for yourself.

Recently I thought I would become the ‘The World’s Greatest Mechanic’ - and quite by coincidence my first assignment was at the London Eye - the day Mayor Grotter was snuffling around for publicity. Unfortunately,  I wasn’t very good and it didn’t quite work out - though  thinking about it, perhaps it did. (See ya Kev - remember: what goes around, comes around. He-he-he!)

Oodles of poodles in supernoodles BOOKhutters! Get reading and I look forward to speaking to you soon.

Des

‘“You must tell us what you’ve done with Guinivere,” Sir Gadabout declared grandly. “Otherwise…” and he drew his sword out with a great flourish. The blade hit the low ceiling of the cave and it snapped in two. The broken half cracked Sir Gadabout on the head, knocking him to the floor in a daze.’ - from ‘Sir Gadabout’ by Martyn Beardsley. Published by Orion Childrens.