My memory is but a memory!

I am going through a spate of forgetfulness. I’m forgetting the most fundamental things at the……….sorry - what was I saying?

Oh yes, that’s right I’m really quite forgetful at the moment. I caused a a complete hullabaloo in the library (SHHHHH!!) on Saturday. I strolled in without either of my legs in anything resembling a trouser. Thankfully the assistant didn’t notice but threw me out instantly anyway when she realised I forgot my library card. (People prioritise in peculiar ways…..)

Consider also my ancester Great Uncle Winchester Mean-and-Rich Forget-me-fuddle III (the clues are in his name). He lived on the 411th floor of the Empire State Building. One particularly mean, rich and forgetful day - his 98th birthday in fact -  he planned a shopping spree in New York. He had kippers and jam for breakfast (!) and readied himself for the day. As he shuffled from his appartement to the elevator he was met with a foreboding sign that simply read: ‘OUT OF ORDER’. Now not to be deterred from spending more of his misely millions on himself, he made a decision which would end up being his last. He listened to the voice in his head that clearly said, in an eerie whisper, - ‘TAKE THE STAIRS’.

The descent to the ground floor wasn’t the thing that saw of his - let’s face it - TIMELY demise. As he eventually stepped out through the revolving door wheezing his scrawny frame and sneering bitterly at the concerned doorman, the same voice popped into his wicked head again and sinisterly whisperred : ‘YOU’VE FORGOTTEN YOUR WALLET….GO BACK AND GET IT YOU OLD FART.’

Great Uncle Winchester Mean and Rich Forget-me-Fuddle III collapsed there and then. It’s not a pretty story but then again he wasn’t a pretty man…….

Though I inherited none of my Great Uncle’s Wealth (- it all went to a worm Sanctuary in California. In truth, the worms squanderred it on a shady deal which they thought they bought the ‘HOLLYWOOD’ sign. Worms sure are stupid!) I did inherit some of his forgetfulness. Lucky  me…..Sigh…….

Not so lucky you though as this week I forgot to ask the audacious, amazing author - Steven Butler - 6 questions for the BOOKhut Big 6. I asked him five instead. Those of you who would like to complain can write to my nan. She lives on the moon - so good luck with the postage!

Steven Butler is three of the nicest men you could ever meet. He has written the fantastibulastically funny ‘The Wrong Pong’, illustrated by Chris Fisher and published by Puffin (‘There ‘aint nuffin like a puffin.’ my nan would muse…)

So here is this weeks ‘The BOOKhut Big 5’ with Steven Butler!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Q1: Describe yourself in six words.

Steven: Short, Noisy, Hungry, Confused, Potato

Q2: Which children’s book character are you most like?

Steven: I’m short and curious and have an evil sense of humour. I also spend a lot of time flying through the air as I work a great deal as an Aerialist in the theatre when I’m not writing, so… I suppose I share some qualities with Peter Pan… though that may just be wishful thinking.

Q3: What are your favourite children’s books?

Steven: My favourite children’s books are The BFG, Peter Pan and I was a massive fan of Robin Jarvis’ DEPTFORD MICE books when I was a kid.

Q4: Make up a new Olympic sport.

Steven: GRANNY LAUNCHING… Strap a rocket to your grandma’s back and see how far the old gal’ flies. (***Look out nan - Steven’s got his eye on you!***)

Q5: Tell the BOOKhutters an interesting fact?

Steven: When I was a boy I was lucky enough to have the marvelous and incredibly funny children’s writer, Jeremy Strong as my headmaster at school. It was like having Willy Wonka in assembly.

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Our BOOKhut recommendation for the week is the banana side-splitting ‘The Wrong Pong’. Neville’s just an ordinary boy who somehow finds himself being yanked down the bowl of his toilet by ……….A TROLL! (Gasp!) Soon Neville - the overling - meets and becomes part of the Bulch family who chomp on rat patties, ear-wax brownies and pickled fish eyes (how totally ‘rotsome’!). This book is full of things to keep your ticker-dinger-thinger laughing till bogeys fly out of your nose in elasticated harmonious joy!

Curious to find out more then of course check out this scrum-bubbler of a website on our number one authour of today, Steven Butler. This man is the business (- though I’ve never seen him in a bowler hat……) http://www.stevenbutlerbooks.com/

Right - I must go. I’m about to…..to…(sigh)…erm….what was I ‘about to’…..

Nope’. It’s gone.

Bog rolls and billabongs BOOKhutters!

Des

‘Get your sewer fish,’ Clod yelled. ‘Fresh from the waters of the rustiest pipes.’ - from ‘The Wrong Pong’ by Steven Butler. Illustrated by Chris Fisher. Published by Puffin. 

(Illustration by Jim Paillot)

This week we have a real Easter treat in the bearded form of the BOOKtastic Philip Ardagh! It’s a real BOOKhut exclusive and came about by chance. Let me explain…

Recently my luck has changed for the better. Consider the following:

• I found 17 pence in loose change down the back of my friend’s sofa (- though technically, that could be seen as stealing, but we’ll glaze over the details…)
• I predicted the lottery numbers. (Now this sounds interesting………though I may have innocently cheated.  I may have overheard the announcer reveal the numbers and then I may have scribbled the winning numbers over my poor choices. When I made my claim, the lady in the suit with the moustached eyebrows just laughed at me. I made sure I mentioned this in my letter of complaint!)
• I was given an extra two weeks holiday from work! (…A slight exaggeration - I had in fact caught chicken pox from a recovering hen so I was ill for the whole time. Sigh!)  

I feel the reason for my good fortune is owed to acquiring a lucky rabbit’s foot from a kindly, mad farmer. He had fashioned it into one of those trendy keyrings and carved my initials ‘SL’ on the paw. (These aren’t my initials but who was I to argue? He was quite bonkers…)

All was going so well until one night I was sat in my lonely, creaky cottage when I heard a most terrifying sound.  ‘Bang! Shuffle…Bang! Shuffle…Bang! Shuffle… (you get the picture…)’

The curious noise grew and I was instantly frozen in fear under my grandmother’s blanket. (She asked me to leave but I was too scared, so instead she jumped out of the window and straight into the lettuce patch.)

The door flung wide open and shattered against the wall! I let out a scream but fear had eaten the sound - along with half a packet of chocolate digestives. I shook like a blender turned all the way up to number 5…so that’s really quite shaky. The ‘Bang! Shuffle…’ drew nearer and nearer.

And then it stopped. The end!

No - wait…The blanket evaporated in my terror, and there in front of me stood…..CARROTY, THE EASTER BUNNY!! (Dun! Dun! Daaaaaa!)

“I’ll have my paw back thankyou!” he said tapping his wooden limb (or the ‘Shuffle’ to his other leg’s ’Bang’!). Consequently I’m up to my ears in chocolate eggs ripe for delivery as I said I’d help out. It would probably take him a bit longer to do the rounds this year so it’s the least I can do…

However, from this amazing run of luck, I was contacted by the ‘Roald Dahl Funny Prize’ award winning author and BOOKhut favourite, Philip Ardagh - AND he agreed to answer our BOOKhut Big 6. Check it out!

The BOOKhut Big 6 - with the ’Bearded Brilliance of Philip Ardagh!

Q1: Describe yourself in 6 words.

Philip: Very hairy. Very lovely. Quite funny.

Q2: Which children’s book character are you most like?

Philip: I know which book character I’d most LIKE to be: Piglet. Then I could spend all day with Winnie-the-Pooh.

Q3: What are your favourite children’s books?

Philip: I love the Moomin books. I love Tintin. I love Narnia… I love reading all sorts (even the labels on shampoo bottles).

Q4: Who inspires you?

Philip: I’ve been inspired by the books I love and the people who’ve encouraged me, starting with Mrs Ewbank, an English teacher in the 1960s.

Q5: Make up a new Olympic sport.

Philip: All-Women’s Freestyle Bear-Pampering over 22 metres. (And, no, I don’t know what that would involve either. Apart from beards.)

Q6: Tell the BOOKhutters an interesting fact.

Philip: Interesting fact? No one really knows for sure what colour dinosaurs were.

***Special bonus 7th Question: Why should the BOOKhutters seek out your latest Grubtown tale, ‘Trick eggs and rubber chickens’?

Philip: If you don’t, you’ll miss out on some of Jilly Cheeter & Mango Claptrap’s Roald-Dahl-Funny-Prize-winning adventures! (Which is illegal.)

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Philip Ardagh we salute you with thumbs aloft and cheers aplenty! You are our ‘BOOKhut Hero of the Hour’ and will enter our ‘Hall of Fame’ with an enormous box of chocolates. To find out more about our extra-special guest and updates from the Grubtown Daily Herald, then visit his website here www.philipardagh.co.uk/ . Our BOOKhut recommendation is of course the gut-bustingly funny Grubtown Tales and in particular ‘The Wrong End of the Dog’ (as published by Faber and Faber.) It follows arrival of famous film starlet, Tawdry Hipbone to Grubtown for the world premiers of her latest movie, ‘For the Love of Ducks II’. But aside from the excitement of this momentous occasion, Snooks- Hipbane’s dog and part-time hairpiece - is snatched by a low-flying pelican. So the search is on with the aid of usual Grubtown inhabitants playing their part in ensuring that this is a book where the laughs jump out of the pages.

I’m off to book my ticket to the trials for the All-Women’s Freestyle Bear-Pampering over 22 metres. It looks to be an exciting night and I have brought along a thermos flask of mint humbugs as a treat!

‘Bungling Buffoons and Big Man Gomez’, BOOKhutters!

Des

‘Mayor Flabby Gomez got to his feet.’Gentlemen,’ he said, with a most solemn expression. ‘You are the finest police force in the world.’ Then he handed round some cheese and biscuits.’ - from ‘Grubtown Tales - The Wrong End of the Dog’ by Philip Ardagh. Illustrated by Jim Paillot. Published by Faber and Faber.

An exclusive preview of the Warner Bros. studio tour from outside Flourish and Blotts bookshop in Diagon Alley!!!!

****WARNING*****The following review excessively uses the word ‘WOW’. I truly apologise for any inconvenience this causes.

An urgent invitation reached me via owl yesterday morning, beckoning me to attend the Warner Bros. studio tour of ‘The Making of Harry Potter’. Naturally, I am a huge fan of the books and films and felt it was my duty to report this back to all you BOOKhutters!

So I enlisted the help of two other intrepid BOOKhut reporters – Sarah (7) and Matilda (8) – and prepared for our magical journey. However, my broom was out of action - and a dustpan and brush makes a poor substitute - so we caught the Hogwart’s Express from platform nine and three quarters straight to Watford Junction! (I am of course giving an imaginative account - it sounds better than ‘We popped on the tube and changed at Euston’….)

There, we were met by a bus - a glorious Harry Potter double-decker to escort us to Leavesden Studios. Our tour had well and truly begun as, for a short ride away, the enormous studios filled the horizon. ‘WOW’!

And that was the first of many ‘WOW’s that day. From the size of the buildings we quickly deduced that the exhibition would be slightly bigger than the Edmonton Ladies Cake Sale. In fact their French Fancies and Battenburg would have been swamped in these glorious hangars.

As you enter you pass several enormous chess pieces - which put my pocket connect 4 to shame! And these were the first of a run of beautifully crafted props and set pieces that we could feast our eyes on.

Even while we were queuing for the first part of the tour we had a good snoop at Harry’s makeshift bedroom under the stairs at Privet Drive. (You can even compare your hand size to a bronze cast of Daniel Radcliffe’s. I was very interested to find out that both he and I would wear the same size glove – a fact that every avid Potter enthusiast would want to know, I’m sure.)

My BOOKhut reporters were given an interactive task. Each was given a special passport and they were charged with collecting 6 special stamps. They also had to locate fifteen golden snitches throughout the different parts of the exhibition. In the end they found 47 golden snitches – but I suspected several of them were invented!

We were treated to a brief introduction on screen from Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson and Rupert Grint, preparing us for the splendour that awaited us. (We were sat in this really cosy cinema. My chair was so comfortable I sneaked it out of the exhibition at the end under a large hat. I’m sitting in it now. They still haven’t found out!)

The screen soon pulled back to reveal the entrance to the Banqueting Hall. (Another ‘WOW’ moment). Our guide opened the door and we poured in - by this time our eyes were the same size as the dinner plates on the oak tables in front of us.

You soon realise that reading the books is very exciting; seeing the films is thrilling; but actually being there is really quite special.

Everyone was snap-happy too. It’s a photographer’s paradise. You can position yourself against some of the most famous backdrops and casually imagine that Harry, Hagrid, Dumbledore and everyone else are just around the corner.

What I particularly liked was being immersed in all of the story once more. What you realise as a fan of the books is how much the production crew were real fans of the books too. Their attention to detail shows how very dedicated they were to honour J K Rowling’s stories in the best way possible.

The exhibition takes a break outside where you can sit and have your sandwiches in amongst some key set pieces and vehicles. I spied some Butterbeer and eagerly made a purchase. It was particularly vanilla-ry and quite delicious for a sweet toothed Potter-fan like myself. The BOOKhutters however were too busy taking it in turns to sit on Hagrid’s motor bike and side car. For a stationary vehicle it sure went fast! We even bundled into the Ford Anglia from ‘The Chamber of Secrets’. Again, it didn’t fly but we pretended beautifully - much to the bemusement of the other visitors. (There were a few glares from boring types who were milling around but you can’t please everyone! It’s always better to live an experience rather than be a tutting bystander!)

The rather extraordinary thing about the whole experience is that it feeds your imagination so heartily from the fact that there is just so much to see. You really do come out of the exhibition all fired up ready to write your own wizard stories. BOOKhutters, some of you out there will one day write the NEXT BIG THING – I’m absolutely sure of it. (And when do, and it is filmed and they make a theme park out of it, then please make sure the gift shop sells things that your fans can afford! It sure was pricey there! ‘WOW’!)

If you have a fear of spiders then when you visit the Creature Features don’t, whatever you do, look up. The mighty Aragog is looming and I swear I saw one of his many eyes blink. Thankfully a life size animatronic Buckbeak was at hand. And contrary to belief the Basilisk was quite charming, though I swiftly made my excuses when he mentioned how hungry he was. Sarah and Matilda didn’t want to be appetisers either so we made our way to the rather huge model of Hogwarts (TM).

‘WOW’ – there, I said it again! This was a ‘wow’ with a bit of a ‘gasp’ too. The whole room was dedicated to the huge model which could be viewed in a sweeping two floor gallery. Every 40 minutes the main lights would dim and the lights inside the construct illuminated. Very magical BOOKhutters – but then it was all so magical. It was very difficult to pick your favourite part as just when your mind would settle on something wonderful, you would be shown something equally brilliant.

In the end my BOOKhutters and I sort of agreed that walking down Diagon Alley was rather marvellous. And magically chopping carrots in the Burrough was also strangely exciting!

So to keep us in the mood, BOOKhut recommends all of the Harry Potter novels this week – once picked up you just keep on turning the pages. And let’s face it there’s enough books there (7) to keep you going for while. They really are something special.

Buckbeak, Bellatrix and Bathilda Bagshot BOOKhutters!

Des

“The stories we love best do live in us forever, so whether you come back by page or by the big screen, Hogwarts (TM) will always be there to welcome you home.” -  J K Rowling.

J K Rowling, BOOKhut, a Basilisk and me!

Join BOOKhut for an EXCLUSIVE press-advanced review of the Warner Bros. Studio Tour of ‘The Making of Harry Potter’. The Basilisk says it’s great so who am I to argue! (I’d best disapparate quick - I can hear his stomach rumbling….)

Butterbeer and Bertie Botts every flavour Beans, BOOKhutters!

Des

This is our 50th post and Spring is in the air!

 - Which makes a change from great wafting clouds of polution OR that too familiar smell coming from the drains outside my Nan’s house. Nana blames her neighbour - Smelly Bob.

To be fair, I blame Smelly Bob too. Truly he is the most pungeant man I have ever encountered. If you get too close to him your skin starts peeling! My third best friend, Sally Partridge, used to deliver his Sunday paper. One day he came to the the door and her nose - quite unexpectedly - detached from her face and ran to Switzerland! (The air is much sweeter in Switzerland - apparently it has something to do with the chocolate!)

Anyway, last night I met with some of the best literary minds this side of Upper-Small-Kiddlingminister. Among the brilliant few were scientist, Professor Hurdle Spinwicks; German Choreographer - Jazz Hans; the Soviet spy - Glenda Agenda; and none other than the High Commissioner himself (so called because his commission is so high!). Together we battled all night long to try and come up with the ultimate book for you BOOKhutters to enjoy but we failed hideously…… And then Jazz suggested something with FLAIR, GENIUS and……a Nan who puts banana on pizza! (Truth - read it BOOKhuttters. Page 96!)

Our BOOKhut recommendation of the week (-thanks Jazz-) is ‘The Brilliant World of Tom Gates’ - written and illustrated by the totally terrifulous Liz Pichon and published by Scholastic Children’s Books. This rivetting read has already won the ‘Roald Dahl Funny Prize’ and is destined to be one of your favourites too.

After thumbing through this utterly, nutterly book I had to ask Liz to answer our BOOKhut Big 6. She - being 107 different words for ‘outstanding’ - duly responded and here is what she had to say:

The BOOKhut Big 6 - with the completely magnificent Liz Pichon!  

Q1: Describe yourself in 6 words.

Liz: Chatty- Creative- Enthusiastic- Sunloving- Multi-tasker (is that two words or one?)

Q2: Which children’s book character are you most like?

Liz: Tom Gates… with a little bit of Delia thrown in on occasions of stress.

Q3: What are your favourite children’s books?

Liz: ‘The Stinky Cheese Man and Other Fairly Stupid Tales.’ I love the FOX books by James Marshall and ‘Silly Verse for kids’ by Spike Milligan.

Q4: Make up a new Olympic sport.

Liz: BISCUITHON - A selection box of three events:

• Fastest person to eat a Caramel wafer (without licking their lips).
• Throwing a Caramel Wafer the furthest.
• The tallest TOWER of Caramel Wafers balanced.

Q5: Tell the BOOKhutters an interesting fact.

Liz: I am a quarter BURMESE (my Mum is half Burmese.) During the war, she escaped the japanese invasion of Burma by trekking for three months over the Himalayas into India. (What an awesome fact BOOKhutters!)

Q6: Why should the BOOKhutters seek out your latest book?

Liz: EVERYTHING’S AMAZING (sort of) - it’s SO thick that it will be useful to stand on if you can’t reach something on a tall shelf.

(Horay! I love a multi-purpose book me! Now I’ll be able to reach Nan’s secret stash of Caramel Wafers on top of her kitchen cupboards. Biscuithon - here I come….)

***You can check out more on Liz by visiting her website: http://www.lizpichon.co.uk ***

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I have just heard from the Queen herself how much she is enjoying ‘The BOOKhut Big 6’ and she’s invited me to Buckingham Palace to help her do the grouting in 17 of the 43 bathrooms within her establishment.

You would have thought that being the Queen, and such like, that she would get someone in to do it for her. But recently she’s been doing this course on the Open University (- it’s like a portable school-) and when she qualifies she’ll be able to do the odd house call between state functions. She’s a mean plumber already - sorted out my blocked u-bend in no time! Her services are very reasonable indeed only charging customers 4 cups of Earl Grey tea per hour, but it must be served in a china cup with a saucer (- hob-nob optional, if not she’s just as happy with a custard cream).

While we were chatting she recommended that I contact her favourite illustrator and writer Tom McLaughlin who has just released the *uber magnifico book ‘The Diabolical Mr Tiddles’. (*’uber magnifico’, contrary to belief, is not an ice-cream and you can’t buy it in all good branches of ‘Ascos’ and it certainly isn’t priced £2.05 and it isn’t sold in central London - though if it was, it would cost £14 because they like to fleece the tourists there.)

So, I spoke to his people and he spoke to my people and they spoke to their people and then we spoke to some other people and then they introduced us to some more people and then those people spoke to some other people and they spoke to at least eight more people and they introduced me to Margot the Chimp. Margot did this hilarious impression of a helicopter… and very quickly I forgot all about Tom. Until the Queen said ‘Have you spoken to Tom yet?’ to whichI spoke directly to him because the business before was all rather too silly.

All this word meandering has led to this very important ‘BOOKhut Big 6’ with the very excellent Tom McLaughlin. Read on BOOKhutters - it’s a blast!:

Q1: Describe yourself in 6 words.

Tom: A professional tea-drinking word doodler.

Tom: Us humans are made up of atoms, but tiny things that they are, atoms are mostly empty, so empty in fact that imagine squeezing all the space out of an atom. Well, if you did that to all the atoms in all the people in the world, you could indeed fit the entire human race in the volume of a sugar cube.

(**Shortly after this I had a cup of Earl Grey tea with the Queen. I decided to push the boat out and treated myself to just a quarter of a suger lump. As I stirred it in, low and behold, I was set upon by the whole of Russia! Amazing!)

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Tom is another one of those rare geniuses who is an absolute BOOKhut hero. Our huge thanks to Tom - and here’s a bonus: find out more about this very talented man by visiting his website on http://tommclaughlin.co.uk/ . It’s jam packed full of his striking images and a retrospective of his work to date. Give it a gander BOOKhutters! He has such a cool style! Our BOOKhut Recommendation is of course Tom’s latest ‘The Diabolical Mr Tiddles’ (- published by Simon & Schuster Children’s Books). It tells the tail of Harry and his new cat Mr Tiddles. To show his friendship to his new owner, Mr Tiddles starts bestowing these great gifts on Harry. But where is he getting them from? And is he up to something DIABOLICAL? Read on BOOKhutters and find out. (Also, guest starring the Queen - which is probably why she likes Tom so much!)

Got to dash - promised I would support Tom as he receives his gold medal for ‘Losing His Glasses’ at the World Championships, in preparation for the summer. It is his fifth victory in almost two weeks, though he has yet to pick up any of his awards as - without glasses - he hasn’t been able to find his way to the podium.

Ta-ta BOOKhutters and remember: Cabbages are not sweets.

Des

Every now and then an author comes along and is just so funtubulistic -  in every dimension - that I feel it ‘oh so very’ important that their stories be gobbled whole by the entire nation! Janet Foxley (award winning creator of BOOKhut favourite - ‘Muncle Trogg’ and now also ‘Muncle Trogg and the Flying Donkey’ - both published by Chicken House) is such an author, and has bravely undertaken the herculean challenge of our ‘BOOKhut Big 6’. Read on to find out how she did:

Bored this half-term?

Well why don’t you decorate my bathroom! I’ll pay you in biscuits and supply you with as much tea as you can carry in a saucepan.

Wait! I was joking! (- I wasn’t. Even if you did a few tiles I would be grateful! Though I was lying about the biscuits…….I have barely a clutch of pink wafers to my name.)

This week saw me attending a writing masterclass with world famous children’s author (and part-time dentist and wool expert) Dr Judith Serious. Dr Judith Serious - or as he likes to be known - Dr Judith Serious - has of course garnered many an award and accolade for his ‘Pemberton Fence Investigates’ series.

(I find them quite dull, to be honest. For those of you who haven’t read them then please don’t bother on my account. They revolve around a fence panel who becomes a private investigator and solves crimes. Truly - it’s awful. But when your parents are owners of a chocolate empire, as Judith’s were, then you’re bound to pick up the odd publishing contract along the way. Dear me! (Shakes his head in woe!))

I nervously took along my portfolio and displayed some of my better efforts for him to consider. For someone nearly 7 feet tall he was surprisingly short and he was covered in wrist watches so that he could boast about what time it was in any country in the world. He was instantly tedious.

Needless to say he hated everything I had written. He even hated my tie - and I wasn’t even wearing one of those! However, after telling me the time in Nova Scotia, he agreed to help me improve my writing.

First off, we took a simple sentence.

• Gloria wandered the streets searching for her cat.


Then Dr JS  modified it with his own brand of excellence so that it read:

• Gloria wandered like a Brontosaurus around the streets, searching for her cat that wasn’t a Brontosaurus.


I didn’t like either sentence and I detested the second one even more. But being a decent sort of fellow (and some might use the term ‘door mat’ here) I went along with his suggestions.

To test him further I gave him this sentence to ‘improve’:

• It was a glorious, sunny day and Kevin the ostrich put on his best pants to celebrate.


Dr Judith Serious winced and then fuelled the light bulb above his head with this response:  

• It was a glorious, sunny Brontosaurus day and Kevin the Brontosaurus ostrich put on his best Brontosaurus pants to celebrate Brontosauriously.


Awful. Even Kevin the ostrich agreed - and he was a fictional character written for the purpose of this blog piece.

When I challenged Dr JS on the word ‘Brontosauriously’ and suggested that he had made it up he nearly evaporated with total anger.

I left soon afterwards. I went straight home and cheered myself up by reading this weeks BOOKhut recommendation, ‘My Brother’s Famous Bottom’ by the King of Comedy himself, Jeremy Strong. Nicholas has this baby brother called Cheese and Dad is hailing him as a TV star in the making. The disposable-nappy people are searching for a bottom to advertise their new range. Cue an audition and some sillines and slapstick ahoy! It’s simply smashing and ideal for this half-term.

So there you have it. If you’re not going to decorate my bathroom then the least you can do is enjoy reading ‘My Brother’s Famous Bottom’ - guaranteed to baseball bat boredom into oblivion!

Scribbles and Nibbles, BOOKhutters!

Des

(PS. I have three brothers and none of them have a famous bottom. Or famous anything come to think of it…)

‘Dad reckoned he saw several TV stars. He even asked one for her autograph, and she was ever so pleased. She scribbled it down and then told him that actually she was one of the cleaners!’ - from ‘My Brother’s Famous Bottom’ by Jeremy Strong. Illustrated by Rowan Clifford.

Drum roll please……….Presenting the ‘13 Words by Lemony Snicket’ book trailer. This is beautifully bonkers BOOKhutters! Here is a word book like no other and believe me - I’ve searched! Lemony Snicket has listed some of the most essential words of all time, including Bird, Dog, Cake, Panache, Despondent, and of course, Haberdashery.

(I would like to point out that I share his views on ‘cake’!) 

Consider being ‘The Worlds Worst’ at something. It doesn’t exactly inspire does it?

Here is a list of some of my BOOKhut chums who were always destined for EPIC failure:

• Rick the hedgehog got very few bookings as a balloon sculpturer. I can’t think why….he’s such a nice creature. So he left that business venture and became a lollipop man. Hedgehogs and roads don’t really mix and within the first day he was as flat as his lollipop. I miss you Rick. We all do…..
• Billy the Goldfish wanted a job at NASA. He had dolphin friend who jazzed up his CV. Well of course on the day of his interview he forgot where he was going - and five seconds later he forgot his name. The same ‘friend’ suggested he went into construction. The first day on site the foreman placed a hod of bricks on his bowl and that was last I heard of Billy. I miss you Billy. We all do…….. (BOOKhut tip of the day: never trust a dolphin. They think they know everything!)
• Alfred G. Tumble fancied himeslf as a boxer and challenged Yarloslav ‘The Meat Pounder’ Boslavavich to a fight. Alfie was muscularly challenged - he was a five stone weakling to be fair. I’ve known sticks of celery with bigger biceps. But the gauntlet had been thrown down. All it took was one upper cut and Alfie was as flat as Rick. I miss you Alfie. We all do……
• Trisha Addlebury always dreamt of becoming a gold medalist so she saw her opportunity when the British team held their swimming try-outs. She looked resplendent in her pink lycra costume and stood with majesty at the pool’s edge. The noise of the crowd blended together in a universally wagnerian chant of ‘TRISHA! TRISHA!’. The starter gun fired and the line of athletes plunged into the water to commence the competetive battle. Apart from Trisha - who rememberred that she couldn’t actually swim. Her cheeks went scarlet with embarrasment and to save face she jumped in and sank like a stone. I miss you Trish. We all do…….
• Kevin Grotter was a professional school bully. For years he terrorised me and the rest of my class with his disgusting and humiliating tatics. After school he rose up the ranks to become the Mayor of London . While promoting the Olympics at the London Eye, the mechanism became faulty and the wheel started spinning out of control. Tragically, his pod detached from the rest from the speed of the revolutions, sending him him flying off into the approaching storm clouds. He was never seen again. I don’t miss Kevin. No-one does…………

Now consider todays BOOKhut recommendation ‘Sir Gadabout’ by Martyn Beardsley (illustrated by the ‘funtubulous’ Tony Ross). Sir Gadabout has the unenviable title of ‘The Worst Knight in the World’. Apparently he is so incompetent, it’s amazing he can put his armour on the right way! But when the fair Guinivere goes missing it’s left to Sir Gads to lead the quest to rescue her…..hopefully in one piece. He is assisted by his faithful squire Herbert and Merlin’s sceptical cat Sydney Smith. Will Guinivere return to the arms of her beloved King Arthur or will those arms be quite accidentally broken off in a bungled rescue by Sir Gadabout? Don’t just sit their pondering the answer - pick up the book and find out for yourself.

Recently I thought I would become the ‘The World’s Greatest Mechanic’ - and quite by coincidence my first assignment was at the London Eye - the day Mayor Grotter was snuffling around for publicity. Unfortunately,  I wasn’t very good and it didn’t quite work out - though  thinking about it, perhaps it did. (See ya Kev - remember: what goes around, comes around. He-he-he!)

Oodles of poodles in supernoodles BOOKhutters! Get reading and I look forward to speaking to you soon.

Des

‘“You must tell us what you’ve done with Guinivere,” Sir Gadabout declared grandly. “Otherwise…” and he drew his sword out with a great flourish. The blade hit the low ceiling of the cave and it snapped in two. The broken half cracked Sir Gadabout on the head, knocking him to the floor in a daze.’ - from ‘Sir Gadabout’ by Martyn Beardsley. Published by Orion Childrens.